so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My penis needs a shock collar
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
