Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
