Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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