I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
