yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
