Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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