Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
