I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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