i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
