We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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