Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
