Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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