Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
