Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
