This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
where are my eyebrows?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
