I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
