Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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