I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
