If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
