Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
