You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
