I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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