I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
