Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
