My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i have two assholes
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
