You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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