Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
