Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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