remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize