Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He passed out mid-signature
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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