Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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