I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
