She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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