i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i believe in u and ur pee
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