he puts the penis in happiness.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
