Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
