I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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