whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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