I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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