Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
