come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
