just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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