so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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