Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
