the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
