96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize