don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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