There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Panties = found
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
