I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
