Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
