dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
