sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
