Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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