Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
