My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
