Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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