Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He passed out mid-signature
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Boobs speak an international language.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
