he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize