guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk is not a location!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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