Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
