Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
