I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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