Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
