I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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