if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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