when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
