I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's the barista slut.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
