you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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