Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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