Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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