i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
