some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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