I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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