then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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