Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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