Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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