Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
