Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
