I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
