the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
