I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
