Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He better not be in your backpack
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
