1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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