so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
