I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
