I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
