3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
