I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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